Theses

Theses jokes

Tee

  • A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"

    "Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."

    "Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"

  • 0
  • Pee

  • When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.

    I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.

  • 1
  • Tongue Twister

  • Tongue twister: Through three cheese trees Three free fleas flew. While these three fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze; freezy trees made these tree's cheese freeze.

    That's what made these three fleas sneeze. 👍😀

  • 2
  • Short jokes

  • All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...

    Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.

    Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.

    And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.

    There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...

    There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.

    So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

  • 0
  • Song

  • The Flanders Song

    God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."

    Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.

    Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."

    "Leave me alone!"

  • 1
  • Nut

  • What's the artist imagine something?

    Imagine Dragons!

    Imagine draggin' these nuts across your face!

  • 0
  • Stephen Hawking

  • "Stephen Hawking was talking about a cash register at Costco when he said I can’t stand these people. 😳😳😳😳😳😳 What did he saaaaaaayyyyyyy?"

  • 0
  • Tendency

  • I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.

  • 0