The jokes
Your mom is so fat, she played bowling with the planets.
What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.
Have you heard of the work called "ligma balls?"
Heard about the new event in Africa? Called the Hunger Games.
The reason I love Stephen Hawking is because they roll off the tongue so nicely.
Memes
My life is like a grenade... I pull off the ring and, BOOM, it explodes!
You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!
I said to the orphan, "Do you want me to take you to your family? Oh wait..."
A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"
My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.
I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
What kind of knickers is the best?
Windy knickers, because they're the best kind.
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.
The female ones are called "bitch."
What did the hairline say to the hat?
"We go way back..."
Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods?
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
Why was Stephen Hawking arrested? The police used computer GPS.
What type of candy does the most magic?
Twix!
Guys talk to me is what the emo loner said, but seriously, talk to me.