The jokes
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
What did the water say to the cup?
"Good day!"
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What game do emo kids love the most?
Hangman.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
What would Donald Trump be if he was Black?
Shot in the head.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?
One was born burnt.
What is the difference between white people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.