New Switch Jokes

I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.

How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.

"Yo mama so bad we gotta switch to yo papa."

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?

Just switch off the lights.

"Remember, switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

What do you call a transgender person? Nintendo Switch.

What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?

I don’t turn on a light switch.

My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.

How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!

Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.

The reason Stephen Hawking died was because he switched WiFi routers from Sky to Virgin, so his computer lagged out.

Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?

Friend, you so faaaat.

Me: Boy, at least I'm not built like a Nintendo Switch.

So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."