Suicide attempt jokes
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:
"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 馃槄馃榾"
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
Things I would鈥檝e missed if my suicide attempt didn鈥檛 fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
An emo tried to give a tree a hive, but it left him hanging.
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?
Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
Shit, I鈥檓 never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!
So, I鈥檓 not sure if it鈥檚 a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would鈥檝e been mad. Because wtf, I wasn鈥檛 readyyyy!