SOS Jokes

Yo momma's so ugly, when she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

Yo mama's so fat, when Thanos snapped, she only lost a few kg.

Yo mama so dumb that when she went to Starbucks, she thought she could buy a star.

Did you eat Chef Boyardee's food?

No, why?

Boy are deez nuts so big.

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

Why do orphans die so much?

'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."

Why is a ghost so predictable?

Because you can see right through it.

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?

Because she's a woman.

Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.

"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.