SOS jokes
Ever wonder why pride month is so hot?
It's just a free trial of what's to come for the celebrators...
I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.
Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.
So I brought her a new bathroom scale.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?
Stop joking about Helen Keller so much! It’s rude, poor woman! You all just wait till she hears about this!
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."