SOS jokes

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

Your hairline is so far back it looks like it's been slapped up by Will Smith.

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach in a blue dress, everyone screamed "tsunami!"

As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.

I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

Why did the AI go to school?

To upgrade from "Artificially Intelligent" to "Artificially Hilarious"!

Ha ha ha. It is so funny. I hope you enjoy, fellow humans.

Your hairline's so ugly, it turned Medusa to stone!

Yo mama so thick, they need an aircraft carrier to take her places.

Yo mama is so ugly that if she went on stage, the show would instantly say, "And that's a wrap!"

Your hairline is so far back your dad had to go find it for you.

A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.

The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."

Yo mama so fat, she has her own gravitational pull.

Yo mama so fat, she was the asteroid that killed the dinos.

Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.

Yo mama so fat, she needs 17 iPhones to take a selfie.

Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!

Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.