SOS jokes

So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.

I swear every time I walk past a guy, they stare at my ass. I always keep wondering why it hurts so much.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they don't know what a home base is.

So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.

A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

Why is 10 so scared? Because he is right in the middle of 9/11.

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.

You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

Yo mama so fat, it took your dad eight years to come back with the milk.

My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.

You know, their family dinners must be so happy.

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

I am a God. Na, na, na, na, na, na. Yeah.

She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom, Thigh-high fishnets and some black boots, Nose pierced with the cigarette perfume, Half dead, but she still looks so cute. She is a monster in disguise, And she knows all the words to the trap songs, Takes pic's with a cherry-red lipstick, Says she only dates guys with a big..., mmm

When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.

You're so fat, when you say the n-word, boogers come out.

You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!

Why is death taken so lightly?

Because anyone can take it.