My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
You know, their family dinners must be so happy.
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
I am a God. Na, na, na, na, na, na. Yeah.
She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom, Thigh-high fishnets and some black boots, Nose pierced with the cigarette perfume, Half dead, but she still looks so cute. She is a monster in disguise, And she knows all the words to the trap songs, Takes pic's with a cherry-red lipstick, Says she only dates guys with a big..., mmm
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
You're so fat, when you say the n-word, boogers come out.
You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!
Why is death taken so lightly?
Because anyone can take it.
Why is death taken so lightly?
Because you can take it so quickly.
I barged into a Halloween party at my school with my air-soft AR-15!
I was so scary, EVERYONE ran away!
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.
But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.
Your forehead is so big, you got an eight-head.
Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market, they think it's watermelon.
Why do people want their grass to be emo?
So the grass will cut itself.
Like this if you laughed.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!
One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!
So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."
I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.
Hailey: "Hey Brayden!"
Brayden: "Hey!"
*Music roles around*
*I tell Brayden Hailey likes him*
Brayden: "O_O"
Hailey: *Hides*
So sad </3 xD
Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!
