My friend told me to name a country in Africa.
So I said, "Hungry."
My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."
Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.
Because it would cut itself.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.
Your forehead is so big it blocked my phone service!
why are cancer kids so fly
because they got the drip
Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"
I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
the doctor said i had 2 years to live so i shot him the warden gave me 50 problem solved
your so skinny the world turns to the LEFT!
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
Say, "Hey, you're pretty." Then she'll say, "OMG, thank you so much," or something cringe. Then you say, "Pretty f***ing ugly, aha, gottie!"
Your hairline goes so far back even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.
Why do orphans love school so much?
They have no HOMEWORK
So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.
"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"
"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"
And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:
"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"
Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"
Why are Helen Keller jokes so funny?
Because she’s blind and deaf.
Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"
