Return jokes
I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said, "No, you won’t return it."
A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.
After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.
Memes
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
I forgot what a boomerang was. Oh well, it’ll come back to me.
Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman?
Batman returns.
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
Answer: A boomerang, because it is the only thing that comes back to them.
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.
The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.
The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.
How is an orphan like a boomerang?
They always come back!
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
This joke is unavailable due to the National Period of Mourning. Please return to this page on the 19th of September.
R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
Why do orphans hate dad jokes? They never return.
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
There were four people who went to land... only three returned... Why?
They left someone for memories!