Ready

Ready jokes

School

    • There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"

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    • Eternal Life

    • The reason why God and Jesus have eternal life and the power, aka (holy spirit) is to control us, take our free will, and our eternal life, which is our heaven. Our time!

    Just to show up, in the nick of time for the second coming in full costume ready to judge us. Them spending a lifetime preparing their big speech, their excuse of them hiding this whole time.

    Lol, Surprise!

    Joke being on them.

    As we all stand there and are there to judge them, doing what they said they were made for.

    Taking our eternal life back from Satan and the Devil and sending them to their home they created themselves!

    HELL!

    P.S. With a little extra punishments!

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    • Hoe

    • Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses

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    • Ready memes

    Trump

    • "(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:

    ......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....

    STUMP: TEENY DICK

    BUMP: TINY TIT

    GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

    MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE

    LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED

    UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

    RUMP: AN ASS

    DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

    HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

    PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --

    JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!

    .... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............

    (endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')

    "OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"

    (quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."

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    • Mexican

    • A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"

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    • Bill Cosby

    • 7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.

    All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.

    7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.

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    • Fart

    • I entered Kian's house. At the top of the stair, I was greeted by my greatest fantasy, JOHN. He said in a manly tone, "Hello there." I walked slowly up the stairs and greeted him back. As I walked past his room, I felt uneasy. I walked into Kian's room to find no one. I turned around and gasped. John is standing there, a bulge had appeared and poked me as he got nearer. He pushed me onto Kian's bed. The bed was that bad it broke as I fell onto it. John says, "A broken bed is nothing to worry about." I look up at him in disbelief, he's more masculine than I thought. He thrust himself onto me, his crotch area sticky to the touch. He then ripped a fart as he bent over, at this point I knew it was too late John, the fart he ripped (sticky to the touch) had me so in shock I wasn't ready for what was next, he picked and jumped on my head ripping the most monstrous, enormous, deadly, sticky to the touch fart I'd ever seen, it knocked me out. I awoke to find I was in the WALLS. I looked out to find I was in the glory hole, my worst nightmare had become reality, I fully understood my purpose in life was to the holy glory hole, I heard "GRANDAD CAN I GET SOME V-BUCK" I then knew I was in for some Kian treats.

    The end

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    • Yo mama

    • Hi guys, I'm back, and YES, two jokes/blogs in one day. I KNOW. I just have nothing to do!!! So today I'm going to tell you how to get what you want from your parents!!! And there will be a joke at the end too. Enjoy!

    So the prank that I have for you guys today is, make sure you have glue, dye, and a toothbrush that is not yours >:) So you are going to put the dye in the glue and then put the glue on the toothbrush and give it to your sibling and say, "Here. I got your toothbrush ready for you." Then, make sure they take it. Once they take it, run so that they cannot hit you once they taste it.

    Thanks for reading this prank today guys!!! I hope it works out for you, and I can't wait to hear what happens with you guys in the comments below, so make sure to comment and tell me what happened when you pulled this prank!! Sorry, Prankster, if this is offensive to you since you do pranks too. I will not do them anymore if you don't want me to :) Thanks for reading guys, and here is that joke I told you about :)

    Yo mama is so fat, when she got in the car, the wheels popped.

    So I know this was not the best joke, and I can do better, but I will keep trying and see you guys next time! Bye!!! :)

    Anniversary

    • Lol, 1 week anniversary of me being on Worst Jokes Ever...

    J0K35: *LETS START A JOKING KEGGAR*

    A Joking keggar is where I get you drunk with some jokes, only on a special occasion.

    Okay, y'all ready to get drunk with raging jokes? OK LETS GOOOOo

    What do you call an LGBTQ+ disc jockey?

    A DG (dee gay)

    What does lava use when it can't walk properly?

    A volCANEo

    What do crackheads do when a black man got brutalized?

    They start a HIGHot (say it like hi-ot, _riot_)

    What is Satan's favorite DJ?

    MarshHELLo

    What do neck breakers use?

    Snapchat

    What did Twitter and Reddit eat with chocolate and marshmallows?

    Instagraham crackers

    Is this the last joke?

    No

    What is similar between a dog and my ex?

    They are both commonly known as bitches

    What number has a flu from a pig?

    Nine flu (swine flu)

    What did the loaf say when he was playing hide and seek?

    BREADY OR NOT? HERE I GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    Who is the best anime girl?

    Well, it's pretty obvious 02 is on the second rank

    Why did Sally get caned?

    Because old men hurriCANED.

    That was all

    OR WAS IT?

    Yes, it was (Come back on Halloween for another Joking Keggar)

    Fight

    • Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.

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    • Guy

    • A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"

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