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Dog

  • I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.

    He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.

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    Friend

  • My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

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    Michael Jackson

  • What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.

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