Physical health jokes

My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.

My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."

What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

Life is like a box of chocolates... It ends sooner for fat people.

Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.

Patient: It runs in the family.

Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.