Peel jokes

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow… then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally… you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

Why was the apple 🍎 sad?

Because he got his peelings hurt.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

One screams when I peel its skin off.

Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!

Are you a banana...

because I find you a-peeling!

Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

what kind of shoes are made of banana peels? slippers.

Why did the orange stop? Because it ran out of juice.

Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!

Why do potatoes make good detectives?

Because they keep their eyes peeled!

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Why did the person peel his skin off? Because he wanted to.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because he wasn't peeling very well!

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

What do you call a banana eating a banana?

Canabananalism.