Out jokes

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.

I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.

What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!

My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."

"Wait, wha..."

"What?"

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.

How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.

Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?

Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!

Son: How did it taste?

Dad: Get out.

Have you seen the new movie Constipation?

You haven't?

That's because it hasn't come out yet.

Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?

Because they always come out clean.

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

😳 😳 😳 what can a physically handicapped ♿ 👬 👨 👨 gay man can do better than a physically handicapped ♿ bisexual man 👨 👩 👨 🤔 when his 👄 mouth is wide open 😍 when his head is sticking out under the stall inside the men's 🚹 restroom 🚻 at a rest 😴 area 😴 suck the chrome of a tall pipe 👄

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.

Only one man came out alive.

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?