Orchestra jokes
Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
What’s the difference between an onion and a viola?
No one cries when they cut up the viola.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
The spotify time bar thing is a light saber when listening to star wars soundtracks
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.
What kind of band never plays music?
What do super fancy music conductors wear?
A Louis baton.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?
Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.
Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?
He woke up and found out it was true.
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.
People's music when friends are around: *rock*
When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"
A bass drum is the boss.
Please welcome Mozart's The Magic Flute...
In A minor.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.