News Report jokes
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...
I saw a helicopter on January 26, 2020. Then Kobe was on the news.
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?
When there's a news story of people who have died en masse, for example from explosions and fires.
Other people are all "oh no that's terrible!"
Pfft shut up, lying asshole. Trying to be "nice".
I'm like "YAY EXCITING. I don't like being bored hearing 'good news' all of the time."
Why are they called "breaking news" in the entire world?
Because they are breaking the whole entire news.
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
