Worst Jokes Ever

I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

Haha, boob!

You look like your mom and your dad had a child.

Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.

Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.

He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."

Mmm, I'm Walter McWhitey, I'm from the newest Mexico.

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Why can't there be a gay disabled person?

Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.

Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?

A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.

I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.

Welcome to Dave’s orphanage. You make it, we take it.

What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.

He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.

In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.

You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...