You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.
Worst Jokes Ever
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
Why are gay men so rude? Because they're fucking assholes.
What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
Okay, so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
Been learning Chinese...
69 is too-can-chew.
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
