Mum jokes

African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"

Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."

African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*

The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found

I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣

Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."

A homeless kid once said he will go home.

Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

(Later)

"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"

Your mum has balls.

Your mum is a baby, huh? Not a little baby!

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

POV: Your mum is a bomber.

Roses are red, violets are black, your mum's so fat she sold her son for 10 Big Macs.

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

Orphan: What are you doing tonight?

Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.

My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.

The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.

Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.

So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

Who is your mum?

An emo.

The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."

I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.