Mum jokes

Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.

Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.

Your mumma so fat she takes up 4 seats of the sofa.

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?

They are all insane comebacks!!!

I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.

Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

What's your mum's favourite food?

Chicken nuggets! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.

(Also, I banged ya mum ;))

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.

Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...

Rhydon- son.

Rhydon? - mum.

RHYDON DEEZ NUTS! - son.

Jeez, ur like ur father in bed- mum.

XD

Me and my mom order Chinese food.

My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

Why does my mum eat carrots?

Your mum is so ugly that aliens don’t come here.

Why didn't the bitch ass skeleton fly?

'Cause me mum flew all the way and Trevor is a boofahead.

Ur mum gay.

Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL

Your mum lol teehee!