What's the laziest mountain?
Mount Ever-rest.
What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends, family, and food?
Someone told him that "Shelby"'s coming 'round the mountain.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
Yo mama so fat, when they buried her, they named her Everest. Mount Everest.
Wanna hook up at Mount Cook?
Your hairline is like Mount Everest; it points.
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
Your forehead is so big, I thought it was mount chiliad
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
