My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
What do you call a person with one arm one leg one eye and one ear ONESY “Hey dad how do you kill a star?” -give them drugs
Whats the last thing that went through curt cobains mind? His teeth
A kid asks hims mom "mom how much do you love me" the mother responds with "i love you as much as i love your brother" the kid looks confused and says "but i don't have a brother" the mother smiles and says "well i guess my love is not existing
i hate when i lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. where do i lose my friends from Afghanistan? in an explosion
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock, I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick but he said it doesn’t taste that bad so I’ll give it a shot
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death? No funeral costs
It want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head
I have an EpiPen
Friend gave it to me when he was as dying
It seemed really important to him that I have it
Wast its dar Lieblingssport eines Deutschen
Two boys are talking on the bus Boy 1: I feel like i'm forgetting something. Boy 2: hey did you hear about that school shooting last week? Boy 1: oh that's right
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was so i replied, its like a spring roll with sausage in it but not any dog or cat how you have it.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
What does Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common? Tying
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
*Knock Knock* Whos there? Social Services....
If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orfan, what are they gonna do... tel their parents
I have a penis. How's that for a fucking joke. It's not a joke. It's terrible. 500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad one leaves your life to go get milk and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head
-JFK
