Metric System jokes

How do Americans learn the metric system?

9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.

Everyone else in the minefield...