Worst Jokes Ever

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Anonymous

The CONSTITUTION is not optional.

PICTOPHILE APP
Czech government tells its citizens how
to fight terrorists: Shoot them
yourselves
0024K
we can't
expect God
to do all
the work.

MEME LORD

@BreezyCarter
Hubby likes shoving soft boiled eggs
up my vagina (I can hold 3) and then I
squat down and lay the eggs like a hen
and hubby will eat them coated with my
juices →

Heroin Monkey

The image shows the text 'Middle Eastern countries on their way to fight over the same piece of desert in the middle of nowhere for the 1000th time (the god poopenfarten said it belonged to them)' above an image of Thanos, with a sword, ready to fight.

Anonymous

The image shows three aliens in the foreground with two UFOs in the background. The text says, "The aliens after arriving at Egypt, giving the blueprints of the pyramids to humans and just about to give them equipment when they start building it with their bare fucking hands."

Heroin Monkey

A red bell pepper with a human face is shown. The text reads: "My balls after I shove them inside a industrial grade steam powered metal press."

Cupツ

This Is True i hate someone irl

The image has white text on a black background. It states: "Haters are like crickets. They chirp all day... But when I walk by them, they suddenly get quiet."

Jazzy💕

That's all is needed to complete my day

A photo of actor Chris Hemsworth with a smug expression. The text above the image reads, "When you send a funny video to one of your siblings and you hear them laughing in the other room:". The text below the image is "*visible satisfaction*".

Heroin Monkey

The image is a political compass with four quadrants. The top left quadrant, labeled "Authoritarian," shows a wojak character with a blank expression. The top right quadrant, labeled "Authoritarian Right," features a wojak wearing a 'Make America Great Again' hat and yelling, "Yay, Israel, show them!". In the bottom left quadrant, "Economic Left", a female character with orange hair and glasses is saying, "Yay! Show them, Iran!". Finally, the bottom right quadrant, labeled "Libertarian," displays another wojak with a blank expression. In the center of the image, there's a text box that reads, 'Iran Launches Drone Swarm at Israel. Drone swarm is expected to reach the country overnight, an Israeli official confirmed.'

Heroin Monkey

800
>
Tweet
Pokémon →
@Pokemon
How would you put "I'm a Pokémon
Trainer" on your resume?
2:58 PM 4/6/21 - Sprinklr
177 Retweets 132 Quote Tweets 2,217 Likes
27
↑
Wandering Weeaboo @Churc... 10m ...
Replying to @Pokemon
i kidnap wild animals and shove them in
my balls
7
178
124
Show replies

TaylorSwiftBoat

A man with a confused expression looks up and to the right. Above him is the text "Chamillionaire - Always been about them horizontal lines through them S's, that's a dollar sign...", and below him, in a large font, is the text "BUT THOSE LINES ARE VERTICAL $".

IWS/INGEN - COLLAB ACC!

A man is smiling knowingly and pointing to his head. Text overlaid on the image reads, "No one can break your heart if you don't let them into your life."

RapBoat

The image is a comparison of Joey Bada$$ and J. Cole in a 2x2 format. Joey Bada$$ is pictured on the left with text below him that reads "Released the best mixtape of 2012", "Can freestyle", "Acted in Mr. Robot", and "I'm a titan, like Zeus I enlighten them". J. Cole is pictured on the right with text below that reads "Released no mixtape in 2012", "Pre-writes his freestyles", "Never acted in Mr. Robot", and "Doesn’t enlighten anybody".

♢ Shy Dragon ♢

A drawing shows a method to cheer up a friend. In the first panel, a woman brushes her teeth and wonders 'why am I alive'. The second panel shows the same woman squeezing out of a toothpaste tube onto a toothbrush. A text next to her says 'hahaha surprise'

Heroin Monkey

A Twitter post by PETA stating: "We'd rather date someone who fucks animals than someone who eats them." Below the text is an image of Tai Lung, a leopard from Kung Fu Panda, looking shocked or disturbed at a computer screen.

Yourgirl_gabby13!

THey do be tryna snitch tho

The image shows a conversation between a student and their classmate. The classmate curses, and the student threatens to tell the teacher. The classmate begs them not to, and the student instead raises their hand to go to the bathroom. Next to the text is a close-up of a cartoon face with a devious look.

Heroin Monkey

Are you out of mind!
Why do you carry those bricks!
Now is bedtime!
I'm tryna get like you
mama I mean you got
them airbag titties
like hubba hubba
honk honk type shitt
wanna know what it
feels like to carry
around all that
weight you been
carrying around all
your life I mean at
least since you was 14
not that I would've
been into it at that
age I'm just sayin like
you got them
bazooka bubble
breast and I'm tryna
chew on that
experience got me
bricked up fr fr

biscuit

shrek has a potato for a nose

"I ask the questions," snapped Shrek. "What's in your purse?"
"It is not a purse, but a pouch. Just some cold chicken parts."
"Give to me, purse boy!" Shrek yelled. "I will warm them with
my microwave eyes and eat them. Purse boys don't get to eat!"
As Shrek heated up his meal, the peasant died of seeing Shrek.
17

Heroin Monkey

A still of a man wearing a red and gold robe looking up. The text above the man reads "A toddler watching an entire bookshelf tilt towards them."

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a picture of Luce Irigaray at the top. Below, there is an excerpt from an article discussing her views on physics and sex. At the bottom there is a picture of Fry from Futurama with the caption: "I HAVE TRANSCENDED ABOVE AND BEYOND THE EMOTION OF ANGER".

Heroin Monkey

grandegarlic
bogleech
werewarg
onlylolgifs
Polymer balls that are invisible in water
IMAGINE PUTTING LIKE 10 IN SOMEONE'S BATH AND THEY
GET IN THEY JUST START FREAKING OUT BECAUSE
THERES SOMETHING TOUCHING ME BUT THERES NOTHING
IN THE FUCKING WATER WHAT THE FUCK OMFG
you're not thinking big enough
make them in the shape of people with huge long fingers and hide
one in every swimming pool in America
please calm down satan

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