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Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of a Google search result titled "Daily Spending For 70 Years." It calculates that spending $332 billion in 70 years requires spending approximately $12,994,129.16 per day. The search bar contains the query "vibrating buttplug for men."

Your local comrade

A repost to celebrate: Happy Mario Day! Take a break and read your favorite chapter from the Communist Manifesto.

Cartoon image of Mario with the superimposed text "When the fire extinguisher said it lasts for 3-5 years, but you drink all the foam in 37 minutes. I have achieved unlimited speed... but nowhere to put it."

Anonymous

Shitpost-master general

A pair of black Crocs with images of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman from the TV show Breaking Bad on them. The text "Sorry babe, the Breaking Bad Crocs stay on during sex" is superimposed on the image.

Heroin Monkey

Two Crocs featuring images of the characters Walter White and Jesse Pinkman from the television series "Breaking Bad." The text above the shoes reads "SORRY BABE." The text below reads "THE BREAKING BAD CROCS STAY ON DURING SEX."

Heroin Monkey

The image presents a comparison between a "Girlfriend" and a "Leopard 2 A7 Tank". The "Girlfriend" side lists negatives such as "Can't fire missiles", "Never protects you", "Minds if you roam with other girls", and "Breaks up with you". The "Leopard 2 A7 Tank" side lists positives like "Can fire missiles", "Has a bulletproof outer shell", "Doesn't mind if you use other tanks", and "Virtually impossible to break."

Willy b

The image shows soldiers with guns. In the lower part of the image, there is a text banner that reads: "Breaking News LIVE Due to a decrease in cookie sales, The Girl Scouts switch to a more agresive sales campaign".

Evil Duck Lords Of America

The image shows a split screen. On the left, a duck is being petted and a news banner reads "BREAKING NEWS THIS DUCK IS HAPPY 5:16 SOMEONE TOLD HIM HE'S CUTE". On the right, a close up of a duck with its mouth open and the text says "good morning :)".

Why should you care

life trick: don't get in relationships so nobody can break them

The image consists of two panels. The left panel shows a cartoon of a blond male character looking to the side with the text 'girls: omg i dont want to crack my neck it might break :(' and 'boys:' The right panel shows a real person holding a shovel and a tub of ice cream with the text 'Girls after breakup: *talks and shares their pain with their friends*' and 'Guys after breakup: I am going to eat this ice-cream with my tactical shovel.'

Adolf Nigler

BREAKING: Marco Rubio announced a Heisman finalist.

Marco Rubio is waving to a crowd of people. Behind him are palm trees and American flags.

TaylorSwiftBoat

Bro how are my favorite rappers gonna make good music if they can’t pop PERKIES

A news article from The New York Times with the headline "E.P.A. Bans Cancer-Causing Chemicals Used in Dry Cleaning". The date is Dec. 9, 2024, 7:26 a.m. ET. It shows an image of a person working in a dry cleaning facility.

Heroin Monkey

Heroin Monkey

FEBRUARY
Saturday
Right, I know it's been a while since I wrote in this,
but a whole lot has happened so let me fill you in on
everything.
Manny Heffley is the personification of human sin. Do
you wanna know the reason he tried to get me killed?
DATS FOWR NAWT
TEACHING ME HOW
TWO TIE MY SHOES,
YOU FUCKING PLOOPY.
I'M ONWEE
THWEE, BUBBY!
HEWP ME TIE MY
GAWDDAYUM
SHOES.
So I punted that little shit into the wall..
I should have paid more attention to Miom though, because
she actually stuck by her word for once. She managed to
shoot me in both legs and break i
my.
fucking kneecaps.
11

Heroin Monkey

DAD IS FUCKING DEAD. HE SHOT HIMSELF.
Rodrick and I heard a bang come from the basement, and
the first thing we see is DAD ON THE FLOOR WITH
A BULLET IN HIS FUCKING HEAD. When Mom
turned around, I tell she looked batshit crazy. She
was
you
holding a glock and looked like a fucking animal.
I'M GONNA
BREAK YOUR
FUCKING
LEGS GREG
WHAT THE
HELL?!
She then threatened us for answers for who told Dad,
and when I thought things couldn't get any i
BUBBY
DID IT!
worse...
HE had to fuck shit up.
10

Heroin Monkey

It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.

Heroin Monkey

A black and white cartoon drawing depicting a text written in a diary, describing how Patty got a secret out, and then the person was sent to the vice principal's office. Then, the person heard a bouncing noise, laughter, and giggling, followed by two voices sounding like they were having sex in school. A drawing of a person standing in front of lockers is below the text. Another line of text says, "I opened the door, and oh boy, you'll be surprised about who I saw." A number "2" is at the bottom of the page.

Heroin Monkey

Smashing People's Androids, Then Giving
Them iPhones
7,7 Mn görüntüleme
lamfat irl 4 ay önce
Break people's legs, then giving them
wheelchairs

CatLettuce

The image is split into two sections. The left side shows a fiery character with a furious face and hands as if they are ready to attack. The text above says: "My mom when I break something". The right side of the image shows a calm and smiling character, composed of green flora. The text above says: "My mom when she breaks something".

Heroin Monkey

The image shows the text "Let's take a moment and appreciate Kelly Nelson for her underrated hard work in Breaking Bad" above a list of crew members with the line "Hair Stylist: Kelly Nelson" circled in red. Below the text is a collage of bald characters from the show 'Breaking Bad'.

Anonymous

A news screen shows breaking news about an assassination attempt on Trump with a live chat on the side where people are commenting.

Heroin Monkey

A photo of Jeffrey Epstein with text describing his alleged experiences in prison. The text says 'be epstein. chilling in cell. clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil. they leave. that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me. the sprinkler turns on. shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling.'

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