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Heroin Monkey
11 months ago
The image shows a turtle climbing a fence. The text on the image reads: "Roses are red. Pigs cannot fly. Breaking News. LIVE Tortoise attempts escape because fuck you, that's why." There is a TVN Exclusive logo in the lower-right corner.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    11 months ago
    FEBRUARY
Saturday
Right, I know it's been a while since I wrote in this,
but a whole lot has happened so let me fill you in on
everything.
Manny Heffley is the personification of human sin. Do
you wanna know the reason he tried to get me killed?
DATS FOWR NAWT
TEACHING ME HOW
TWO TIE MY SHOES,
YOU FUCKING PLOOPY.
I'M ONWEE
THWEE, BUBBY!
HEWP ME TIE MY
GAWDDAYUM
SHOES.
So I punted that little shit into the wall..
I should have paid more attention to Miom though, because
she actually stuck by her word for once. She managed to
shoot me in both legs and break i
my.
fucking kneecaps.
11
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    11 months ago
    DAD IS FUCKING DEAD. HE SHOT HIMSELF.
Rodrick and I heard a bang come from the basement, and
the first thing we see is DAD ON THE FLOOR WITH
A BULLET IN HIS FUCKING HEAD. When Mom
turned around, I tell she looked batshit crazy. She
was
you
holding a glock and looked like a fucking animal.
I'M GONNA
BREAK YOUR
FUCKING
LEGS GREG
WHAT THE
HELL?!
She then threatened us for answers for who told Dad,
and when I thought things couldn't get any i
BUBBY
DID IT!
worse...
HE had to fuck shit up.
10
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    11 months ago
    It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    11 months ago
    A black and white cartoon drawing depicting a text written in a diary, describing how Patty got a secret out, and then the person was sent to the vice principal's office. Then, the person heard a bouncing noise, laughter, and giggling, followed by two voices sounding like they were having sex in school. A drawing of a person standing in front of lockers is below the text. Another line of text says, "I opened the door, and oh boy, you'll be surprised about who I saw." A number "2" is at the bottom of the page.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    Smashing People's Androids, Then Giving
Them iPhones
7,7 Mn görüntüleme
lamfat irl 4 ay önce
Break people's legs, then giving them
wheelchairs
  • 0
  • CatLettuce
    1 year ago
    The image is split into two sections. The left side shows a fiery character with a furious face and hands as if they are ready to attack. The text above says: "My mom when I break something". The right side of the image shows a calm and smiling character, composed of green flora. The text above says: "My mom when she breaks something".
  • 1
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image shows the text "Let's take a moment and appreciate Kelly Nelson for her underrated hard work in Breaking Bad" above a list of crew members with the line "Hair Stylist: Kelly Nelson" circled in red. Below the text is a collage of bald characters from the show 'Breaking Bad'.
  • 0
  • Anonymous
    1 year ago
    A news screen shows breaking news about an assassination attempt on Trump with a live chat on the side where people are commenting.
  • 3
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A photo of Jeffrey Epstein with text describing his alleged experiences in prison. The text says 'be epstein. chilling in cell. clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil. they leave. that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me. the sprinkler turns on. shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling.'
  • 0
  • Jazzy💕
    1 year ago

    Unless you wanna die

    A meme with an image of a woman staring intensely. The text above her reads, "Things you never tell a Latina: -Chill -I'm breaking up with you -Lower your voice -Calm down -Relax -You're crazy [stares in Spanish]"
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A photograph shows Mr. Peanut flanked by two police officers. The image is overlaid with a news banner reading, "Local Police Bust A Nut".
  • 0
  • Anonymous
    1 year ago
    A tabby cat lies on the floor with a rainbow-colored light beam emanating from its rear. Below the cat, a news banner reads, "BREAKING NEWS: CAT PROTECTS FAMILY FROM A LGBT. Brave cat stopped the LGBT as it entered the home."
  • 8
  • Apollo
    1 year ago

    Hahaha now what overlord should i kill next

    A cartoon of the character, Alastor, with the text: "What is Captain Hook's favorite break-up line? It's not you; it's Smee!"
  • 0
  • Wade
    1 year ago
    The image shows a tweet from amy @amyroses saying "don't break peoples heart! they only have one :(" and a reply from shadow @anyway-WOAH saying "yeah break their bone, they have 206."
  • 0
  • IWS/INGEN - COLLAB ACC!
    1 year ago
    A man is smiling knowingly and pointing to his head. Text overlaid on the image reads, "No one can break your heart if you don't let them into your life."
  • 0
  • DaRapBoat
    1 year ago

    When you’re losing the rap battle💀

    A close-up of a man's face covered in red splatters, resembling blood. The text overlaid on the image reads: "They say sticks and stones'll break your bones, I'm sticks and stones." There is a parental advisory label at the bottom right.
  • 0
  • Thoughtless
    1 year ago
    The image shows five white cartoon cats playing different instruments. The image is set up like a breaking news report with a red banner that says "BREAKING NEWS." The text reads, "NEW BAND IS BREAKING RECORDS A" and "@BONGOCATBAND HAS AMASSED 2 BILLION FOLLOWERS IN 3 MONTHS. BLOWING ALL". The cats are playing a keyboard, drums, a xylophone, and a guitar.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A tweet from BCC News shows the text "BREAKING: Following his resignation, Boris Johnson has escaped to the sea." Below this text is an image of Boris Johnson running into the ocean on a beach.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A vintage style illustration with the text "WITCHCRAFT TIPS. HOW TO PERFORM: Curse of breaking every bone in someone's body. TO DO THIS SPELL YOU WILL NEED: car." To the right is a cartoon witch holding a green book, and a small black car is shown flying through the air above her head.
  • 1
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