Living room carpet jokes

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, just afraid to move.