A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
there's two types of emo people
1. people that cut side to side
2. and people that cut up and down
the most efficient is up and down
why couldnt the clown walk after his infamous knife-juggling act because he was exhausted nigaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
a knife is like hallucinations both in your head
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend. Her boyfriend said "hi." I said, " knife to meet you."
Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?
It reminded him of Richard clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "well that escalated quickly..."
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Yo mama is so ugly she turned a knife into a statue
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
why did brandon's mum chase him with a knife because he dident let her cum first
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.
