Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
In middle school, we had to create words with magnet letters. Some kid laid the word "Animal Therapist". I changed one space and got sent home :/
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
What are emo kids' least favorite lollies?
Life Savers.
Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?
It’s like I always tell my kids:
"Two in the pink, one in the stink."
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
If you're feeling mad, punch an autistic kid. What's he gonna do, blabber to the teacher?
What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?
A toolbox.
I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.
Guess what? It had no home button.
What does a kid who has autism and reading have in common?
Absolutely nothing.
