What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I got banned from the library from putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two now they're a sensitive topic.
Man: whats up? Me: im annoyed Man: Why? Me: I stole my gf's heart Man: So why are you annoyed? Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
What do catholic priests and JCPennys have in common?
Little boys pants half off.
Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
What does a crippled person's legs and the twin towers have in common, they both went down and never came back up
What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole.
She screamed until her hands got tired.
Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral? He went from The Fast And The Furious to Gone In 60 Seconds
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his mother in the jaw
What's missing in an orphanage computer?
"The mother board."
