Teacher: Ok class I'm going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don't worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
please like this. i bet my friend 20 bucks that i would get to 15 likes before him
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? -- They both want to get there before the hare does.
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan? One baby in three trashcans.
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the the sower you can't even see it.
Guy: No I see your sister's head
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? they both start at 12.
Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I like my women like I like my wine, twelves Year’s old, in the basement, and locked up
Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a padophile however I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8 year olds
What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?
When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass
What do Michaelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he's sitting the the doctor's office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
