INS jokes

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!

This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.

Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!

A donut is not empty inside, that was a hole in the middle. If I'm a donut, the hole used to be where I put my feeling and happiness, but people snatch it away from me.

Anyway, can someone put a hole in my physical body too? I kinda wanted to see people cry for me just like how people cry for Ace from One Piece.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.

There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.

Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.

Q. What do iPads and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?

A. Kids turn them on.

Why can’t monkeys play in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!

Why did the towers fall? Because someone in Call of Duty hijacked the planes and crashed them into it.

Roses are red, violets are blue. You belong in a zoo, but don't worry, I'll be there too. Just not in a cage, I'll be laughing at you.

What is the definition of clapped?

Ur mum when I am in her bed.

Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.

Why do Jews suck at mugging?

Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.

If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?

I don't usually make 9/11 jokes. They always go down in flames.

"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!

What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?

Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"