Im jokes

All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.

"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."

"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.

"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

A hamburger walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!