Half full jokes

The optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The feminist thinks the glass is raping them.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

The optimistic midget's coffin was half full.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

They say people are 75% water.

But I'm 100% useless.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.

How many times can 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out.