Government assistance jokes

How do you starve a hippie? You hide its welfare check under the soap.

What do you call a black couple who's on welfare and food stamps?

Lay-Z and Freeyonce.

What do Somalians excel at in the United States?

Welfare fraud.

What is welfare fraud supposed to taste like?

Bananas and Rice.

What do Somalians excel at in the US?

Welfare fraud.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.

I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.

I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".