Government assistance jokes

How do you starve a hippie? You hide its welfare check under the soap.

What do you call a black couple who's on welfare and food stamps?

Lay-Z and Freeyonce.

What do Somalians excel at in the United States?

Welfare fraud.

What is welfare fraud supposed to taste like?

Bananas and Rice.

What do Somalians excel at in the US?

Welfare fraud.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."

The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.