Your hairline is so long when you finally found the length of your hairline you told it to some one and they said don’t give me your phone number
Three men die the same time and I'll go to heaven to go find St Peter St Peter says to them is going to be a long journey to heaven so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives we'll start with you Michael since you were quite the womanizer you and cheating on your on your wife multiple times you will be getting a Toyota the man embarrassed left in the Toyota Nolan you you were better you cheated on your wife twice so I will give you a Mercedes now for now as for you mark you never cheated on your wife you are an absolute saint so I will be giving you a Lamborghini and the Man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car and he and the Man in the Toyota what the hell is going on and the Man in the Lamborghini says I was through streets of Heaven and so my wife riding in roller skates
How do you give a woman from Alabama a Nice Compliment?
Answer; You say to her, "Hey, NICE TOOTH!"
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell em for double the price!
YO LIFE so miserable the adoption center wouldnt sell you just give you away
I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit
I like Christmas. It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys. :) yaaaaay 😁
*Me walk into the nail salon* Hi I'm here for my 3:45 appointment *nail tech* ok sweety come and sit down *Me sits down in the chair* *nail tech* you want long nail short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. ok. *gives me short nail* bro I asked for long nail. But you said bf but u look lesbian* walks out without paying* *nail tech gives money to a customer* there u win. *customer* I told u she would
Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they’re deemed cured and free to go.
Jon was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, „Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?“ Jon said, „I’d be half blind.“ „That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?“ „I’d be completely blind.“ The doctor stood up, shook Jon’s hand, and told him he was free.
On Jon’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked, „What would happen if I cut off one ear?“ Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, „I’d be half blind.“ The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. „What if I cut off the other ear?“ „I’d be completely blind,“ Amanpreet answered. „Amanpreet, can you explain how you’d be *blind*?“ „My hat would fall down over my eyes.“
Teach a scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys !
They say give a man an inch he'll take a mile what about women they don't have Dick's
If you give someone a plane ticket and they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
Yoo! I Found a 100$ Bill, Found a child who said they lost their 100$ Bill. Gave them 25$ When god gives you glory. You give it back.
My brother goes into the bar and says bartender give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey. The bartender says that's a lot of alcohol. My brother says celebrating my first blowjob. The bartender said let me buy you a drink. My brother said no this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth.
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans
Family size
