Game jokes
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
How did black people learn to steal sports cars?
By playing GTA nonstop.
What's a game a paraplegic kid can't play?
Hopscotch.
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
Q. What movie is a fat person most afraid of?
A. The Hunger Games.
What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?
"STAY OVER THERE!"
What's funny is that I am typing this in the middle of a document... WAIT JENGA!!!!!!!
Why is America so bad at playing chess?
They lost two towers.
What would Hitler do if he was in Minecraft?
Mien.
Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards.
What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
You shout out, "B-52!"
What is a black person's least favorite word game?
Hangman.
Why can't England play Clash, Chess, or Checkers?
Because they lost their queen.
Why can’t American people play chess?
Because they lost their towers.
Why aren't orphans good at poker?
Because they don't know what a "full home" is!
What's the best card in Clash Royale?
The Credit Card.
Why are English people bad at chess? 'Cause they lost their Queen.
Why can't the US play chess? 'Cause they lost their towers.
Why can't the English play chess? Because they lost their queen. And why can't the US play chess? Because they lost their towers.
A skinny black person named "Treyvon Robinson" joins a pickup basketball game at the local court, trash-talking about his "superior athletic genes" while munching on a stolen bag of Skittles. The ref blows the whistle for a foul, and he argues, "That ain't fair, I'm just naturally dominant!"
But the team's coach, a burly black dude who's been eyeing him all game, grabs him by the jersey, blindfolds him with a sweaty headband, slathers lube from his gym bag all over, and pile-drives his ass courtside in a twisted BDSM slam dunk, yelling, "Now taste the rainbow, punk!"