Dying jokes
How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.
Death
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
One thing is for sure, the victims from 9/11 died warm.
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"
My dad died in 9/11.
But he was the pilot.
Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!