Dying jokes

What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?

Billy's jeans.

I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.

Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."

Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?

'Cause then they know they won't die alone.

Why doesn't Batman have super vision?

His parents died.

My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.

I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.

What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?

Dark humor never dies!

Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Why can't Jesus judge gay people?

He got nailed right before he died.

So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.

Ex: baby i miss u.

Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.

Ex: who died?!

Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

Well, at least the one I fucked did.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Somebody threw an EMP at him.

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.