Do jokes
What do cows call money?
Moola.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
Memes
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-A-Likes.
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What do you call a mushroom that makes music?
A decomposer.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his butt.
How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.
What do you call a hillbilly girl who's faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin.
Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.
They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."