Do jokes
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
What do you say to make a redhead mad?
Anything.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What do orphans call a selfie?
A family photo.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
Memes
What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
Frostbite!
What do you call an egg murder?
An eggs-terminator!
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.
It's been known that Michael Jackson decided to do a song for the soundtrack for Free Willy, because he thought that he would get free willy in exchange for composing a song.
What do you call a black person with a pride flag? A Cosmic Brownie.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fish with no eyes.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.
Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.