Do jokes
Why do sisters hate you?
Because you're their favorite stepbrother :P
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?
Memes
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
Where do cows go to see the big screen? The mooo-vie theater.
Why do people love camping?
Because it's in tents!
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.