Dispenser jokes

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

What is Juan the junkmail dispenser's nickname? Spic and spam.

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

One time my receipt broke before I even got to my truck.

A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.

So, Duracell batteries do run out.

Ralphie: They put drugs in our medication?

Me: The medication is the drugs.