Dispenser jokes

What is Juan the junkmail dispenser's nickname? Spic and spam.

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.

To the guy who stole my depression medication,

I hope you're happy.

You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.

If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.