Dispenser jokes

What is Juan the junkmail dispenser's nickname? Spic and spam.

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

Candy is dandy.

But liquor is quicker.

Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”

Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”

Condom: “Hahaha...”

To the guy who stole my depression medication,

I hope you're happy.

Whoever took my anti-depressant pills,

I hope you're fucking happy.