My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
The south
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
so a blond and a brunet jumped out of a plane . who hit the ground first
the blond becase she had to ask for directions
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band? "Juan Direction."
Which band doesn’t make music? One Direction
*Titanic was sinking. Passenger: How far are we from land? Captain: Two miles. Passenger: Which direction? Captain: Down.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man"? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven". Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. "Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : "What is it?" A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : "Do you mind if we swap places"? Sister Bernadette replies : "What for"? Sister Carmel says : "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there"!
I'm really bad at giving directions. But, don't take that the wrong way.
A gay guy asked me for directions so I told him to go straight
The Homo Sexual was a direct descedant of the Homo Genital Erectus, which went extinct in 2037 for being easily offended and its unwillingness to breed.
I tried to stick to one direction but then they started to shoot the gay bar....
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building which one will land first?
The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast. When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the toast god punch line, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man. The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles
What is heavy forward but not backward? -- "ton".
