Check out my new song. It’s called. Nlggas in the hood. And it’s really good so go listen
I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys
So here’s this funny story and it’s true. So my mom has this friend when this guy was a kid he was on the school bus and this Mexican kid checked him into the isle so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox and he started bleeding then they both get banned from the bus for a few days so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”
Where are the ping pong balls? check the bathroom stalls
Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa, Give away my Money, No Papa, Telling Lies, OK Ima Check my Bank Account
OK son", he says. It’s as easy as counting to 5.
- Pull down your pants.
- Pull back your foreskin.
- Pee in the toilet.
- Put your foreskin back.
- Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying “2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4”.
i thought you were just raising your eyebrow but I checked x-ray and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right
i saw your license it said your 15 I checked your face it says your 50
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.
my job is so amazing. today a man asked me to check his balance, so i pushed him over. his balance isn’t good
I was listening to some Drake in class. My teacher shouted to turn it off. She then exclaimed that “Drake is mid and his music is very Pessi” I didn’t understand the meaning until I checked the dictionary and realised it is a synonym for overrated
teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.’’ “I still don’t get it” responded the Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then…good night” said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother shit in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad fucking his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ‘‘OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is fucking the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!’’
Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out? The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.
One day, my boyfriend told me he had to go on a buisness trip. He said he wouldn’t be back in two weeks, and his dad would check in on me. I was fine with that, cause’ his dad was really nice, and he used to be a model, so he looked good.
Soo a few days later, his dad came to check in on me. And for the next three days, he’d come, and we’d sit on my couch and watch tv, or we’d go out to In-n-out to eat.
So, on the fifth day, we dicided to drink. And one thing led to another. WARNING GRAPHIC
So we watched Gilmore girls, and we were drunk. It started out as us cuddling, and slurrily flirting, then it was making out. Well, on the ninth day we didn’t drink, but we cuddled, then made out. He put my head on his lap, then bent down and whispered: “I’m going.” I stood up, and he undressed me, and we went. He grabbed my boobs and would kiss them, lick them, and bite them. We gave each other lots of hickeys, and it was great. He told me to suck his dik, and I did.We continued, and finally, we went to my bed, and I laied on his dick the whole night, sucking when he told me.
Sooo when my boyfriend came back, a week later, I was really distant from him. He offered sx the next day, but it wasn’t as great as his dad’s.
Now, after about a month, he said we should have some time alone, like a week. I was soooo happy.
So, I called his dad, and his dad came over, but with a friend. “Hey, this is Danny.” His dad introduced. Danny was nice at first, but then he kept making comments about my boobs. He said he’d like to f them, and I thought he was just being sweet.
But that night, I heard footsteps, and my door opened. My boyfriend, (let’s call him Jake,) Jake’s dad jumped up on my bed, and pinned me down. Both of the men were butt-naked. I was kinda scared as Danny jumped up, with a belt. I was rolled over, and Danny took the belt, and began whipping my butt. He finally stopped, but his shoved his dick in my bhut. I was rolled around, again, and both men humped me. They took turns fuking me, and pushed their dcks in my vagina. Jake’s dad cummed me, and it was suddenly like hell.
So, the next morning, both men were sprawled over me, and I felt sick.
The men woke up, and apologised, but I forgave them. I told them I was in love. So for the next week, the like, lived with me, and payed my rent, if I let them sleep with me everynight.
So, pls don’t call me evil, but I told my bf I wanted to break up w him, and I told him I loved his dad. Jake was heartbroken, but I didn’t care. I decided to date his dad, and his friend, Danny, and we had soo much fun. His dad was shit-rich, and so we went to Guicci, and fancy food places on the normal. I was so happy with the boys.I made love with them, but I didn’t want to get pregnant, us three together was all I wanted.
So, we went to Gucci to get swimsuits, anddddd I saw my ex boyfriend. I was horrified he would see me. I pointed it out to my boyfriends, and they usered my away. “Hailey!” I heard him call, and I stopped.In.My.Tracks. I turned around, and he was only like three feet away from me. He saw me with HIS dad, and looked pretty mad. “Danny, what are u doing?” He asked. And I totally forgot to tell him! I told him I was dating his dad, and Danny, and he looked so angry, like he was going to punch them. “You can’t marry two guys!” He screamed at me. I shook my head. I would only marry one, and date the other! Simple. His dad told him to fuck off, and we left Gucci.
So, a year later I married Jake’s dad, just because he was cuter, and dated Danny. We got looks from people, but I didn’t care, it was wonderful with them. I would sleep in the middle of my bed, and they’d sleep at my sides.
So, a while later, we got a house. Like a freaking huuuge house, we all slept in one room, but there was like six guest bedrooms. Again, danny and Jake’s dad, (srry we’ll call Jake’s dad Bill) Danny and Bill were so rich, so we had like a mansion.
Come for part 2
I needed a pen to write my answers to my exams, but after checking my bag, I realized I had no pens! Then, out of the sky came the god of pens, Pristiano Penaldo! He gave me a pen that he owned, and I was able to write the answers to the exam, which I passed! Thank you Penaldo! I then said that a big exam was coming up, and that I needed another pen, but as soon as he had to come up big, he vanished.