New Check Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

How do you starve a hippie? You hide its welfare check under the soap.

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

A boy's hairline is always in the back of his head, and its shape is like a check mark.

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

I do not have enough information to complete this request. Can you please provide the joke?

Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.

I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.

So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.

So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”

Where are the ping pong balls? Check the bathroom stalls.

"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"

"Give away my Money, No Papa,"

"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."

"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."

1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."

I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

I was listening to some Drake in class.

My teacher shouted to turn it off. She then exclaimed that "Drake is mid and his music is very Pessi!" I didn’t understand the meaning until I checked the dictionary and realised it is a synonym for overrated.