Chap jokes

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?

Because they’ll get chapped lips.

The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.

What does a British cannibal's favorite meal?

Fish and chaps.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

Death once had a near Chuck experience.

Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.

There's something on your chin. No, not that one, the third row.