Canning jokes
Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.
Who can jump the highest?
Emo kids, some are still in the air.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
If you're bored, just punch an orphan. It's not like they can tell their parents.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
Not like they can tell their parents.
All I can see when I pass Saturn is Uranus because it's so big.
Why can't toilet paper cross the road? Because the toilet paper got stuck in a crack. 🤣🤣🤣
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash its crack and sell it again.
Why can the orphan only go to restaurants?
Because they can't have homemade meals.
Terrorist: We can go over it, we can’t go under it, let’s go through it.
Why do orphans play GTA so much?
Because they can be wanted for once.
What's the difference between a bird and a kid on the roof?
The bird can fly off the roof.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
What college can Stephen Hawking not go to? Spelman University.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.