Call jokes
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
What do you call a well endowed gay male who is also in a wheelchair?
Meals on wheels.
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES winter sports?
Ice Cube.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
What do you get when you cross a butt with a phone?
A booty call.
What do you call a booty that’s always negative?
A pessimist-cheek.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”