My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
Brag Jokes
Not to brag, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Once there was an old lady...
Congratulations, stop bragging!
I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.
He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"
The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"
Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
